Just a quick little post about a special day in my life . . .

Tomorrow is November 16th.  Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my last DNC procedure and miscarriage.  My last miscarriage.  Wow! Last November 16th, I had a nervous breakdown in the surgical center waiting room.  That is not an exaggeration.  I sat with my head down, shoulders shaking, crying uncontrollably, and after clearly frightening the other patients, my sweet husband had to ask the lady at the front desk for a little assistance.  I was escorted back to a room, given some Valium (Thank the Lord for some good drugs), and still managed to silently cry off and on until it was time for my procedure.  Waking up after a DNC is a super lonely and empty feeling.  It is hard to explain unless you have been there.  And, let’s be honest . . . 2017 was THE WORST.  Losing two babies in a span of months?  I think I deserved that breakdown, and the Valium!

But, now I can say that it is over.  It has been a year since I lost my last baby, since we decided that Reid should move forward with a vasectomy, and since we decided to close the door and our hearts on expanding our family.  Lots of tears.  Lots of counseling.  Lots of grief.

But . . . a year later, and I am on the other side.  The other side of the infertility journey.  The other side of loss.  This “other side” isn’t how I imagined it.  I mean, I held my daughter in my arms and she is currently missing from the equation.  My heart can still hurt from time to time, and I think that the “what ifs” will always pop up from time to time.  But, now on this side, I can see that I was just supposed to be a mom of two boys.  With a football team in Heaven.

So, with all of that.  Tomorrow is such a big moment for me.  And . . . IT FEELS AWESOME!  Seriously, tomorrow will not be a day of grief and sorrow.  Tomorrow will be spent with my miracle boys, my husband, my sweet dogs (okay, only one is sweet, the other is nuts), and I will just be thankful.

I know that so many of you are in the middle of your journey.  Please know that there is life on the other side.  This struggle will not last forever.  I am praying for all of you that are trying to walk through that door and get to the other side.  Praying for your dreams of a baby.  Praying for your relationships with your partners and your families.  Praying for your hearts.  Praying that you take the steps you need to, and then get yourselves over on the other side with me.  Much love to all of you. XO