I am just SO excited to introduce y’all to someone AMAZING today! Such a fun post for me today!

I think a lot of times women can let infertility and miscarriage define who they are.  We tend to slap a smile on our faces, hide our struggles, and soldier on.  I did this until I couldn’t do it any longer.  I would always try to find the why behind a miscarriage or failed infertility procedure.  I was struggling, but I was trying.  Unfortunately, I got to a point where I couldn’t even try to find a why any more.  And when I got to that point, I crumbled.

I may never know the why, but I had to create one.  That is why I created this blog.  It was something I have thought about for years, but I was finally pushed over the edge.  My goal of this blog was to somehow make beauty come from ashes.  To use my story to help others and allow infertility and loss not to be a taboo subject.

I am SO VERY HONORED to introduce you all to an amazing woman today.  Jamie struggled with infertility and loss, and she has used her heartbreak to create beauty. To give a voice to those quietly suffering, and to share their stories in times of trial.  And, randomly, Jamie has been in my life for years.  Well, kind of.  She is the cousin (by marriage) of my cousin (by marriage) . . . follow that? 😉  I have not been directly connected to her but have followed her story from afar and been inspired by her long before I started Lunchbox Babies!

Jamie met her husband while living in New York City, and they got married in May of 2014.  They moved home to Maryland to be near their families and friends, and started trying to have their own children.  After trying to get pregnant naturally for a year, they started at Shady Grove Fertility Center in Rockville, Maryland.  What followed were failed infertility attempts, miscarriages, and loss.  Through this struggle, Jamie found a way to survive.  And, not only survive, but create something beautiful.  I spoke with Jamie about her story last week, and I would love to share her journey with you.  I hope that she is just as inspiring to you as she is to me.

LB: Tell me a little a bit about your infertility journey.  Whatever you feel comfortable with.
JKB: Family has always been so important to Brian and me.  We really wanted to grow our family, but I can say that I hope I’ll never see another ovulation stick as long as I live!  When we started at SHady Grove Fertility Center, we started with IUI.  Unfortunately, we had three failed IUIs, and moved onto IVF.  We had our first retrieval in January of 2017 and got five embryos.  The first transfer worked, but we miscarried twin boys at 8 weeks.  It was heartbreaking.  The short version: during 2017, I miscarried twin boys, had a failed implantation, miscarried another baby, had a second retrieval, and had a hysteroscopy to remove endometrial polyps.  Basically, 2017 was rough! BUT, we did get pregnant in the fall of last year, and after a small scare just after Christmas, we had a healthy pregnancy.  We now have two beautiful twin boys.  Bennett and Ethan are 10 weeks old.  It’s just too good.  After all we went through, I still think something is going to happen.  I can’t fully let myself enjoy this.  But, we are so happy!

LB: Isn’t it crazy to see how far you have come in the last year?!
JKB: YES! It is crazy to see where I was last year to where I am right now.  Last year on Yom Kippur, I refused to go to Synagogue.  I didn’t want to see any babies or any pregnant women.  Brian and I used to go to the Farmers Market every weekend, and I started refusing to do that.  I just didn’t want to be in any situation that would make me sad or uncomfortable. It is amazing that I am talking to you now with my two sleeping babies next to me.  Again, it is just too good!

LB:How did you start painting?
JKB: I have always been a creative person, and I have always loved to paint.  In February 2017, I was going through a rough time emotionally.  I decided to paint as a way to distract myself, and went looking for my paintbrushes.  I randomly found some unused IVF needles in the toolbox where I kept my brushes, and thought I would try something different.  I put ink and alcohol in one of the needles and just tried it on canvas.  It was so interesting; I loved how it looked.  I thought how amazing it was that this was the tool I was using that was making me so happy.  An IVF needle? And then also gauze pads! Painting was an escape for me.  It made me feel important during a very hard time.  I was able to be in my own bubble, and it was just therapeutic for me. I have sold paintings to other women that are dealing with infertility, and I have also partnered with Oliver Gail and they have been selling some of my paintings on Wayfair!

LB: When did you decide to start sharing your story?
JKB: I posted about our two year journey of infertility and miscarriages on Facebook last June. I also talked about how I was using art to heal myself and others.  The response was overwhelming.  People private messaged me to tell me that they were going through the same thing, and numerous people offered their support through comments.  I realized how common this was.  And, why aren’t we all talking about it more?  I started talking about it while it was happening.  Talking during, not discussing after. It has just been amazing what a community this is. It’s like a sisterhood.

LB: Besides your art, how did you mentally and emotionally survive this journey?
JKB: I did a lot of meditation. I also found a great therapist.  But, infertility can ruin you if you let it define you.  I just knew that somehow I was going to be a mom.  I was not walking away from this dream.  I did a ton of positive self talk.  Everyone around me was pregnant, so I really told myself that if they can get pregnant, I will get pregnant too!  There were two quotes that I was told during this time that really stuck with me.  First, my therapist was basically me ten years ago . . . a very similar story of infertility and loss.  She told me that while she “can empathize” with my situation, she “can’t access those feelings” anymore.  That to me meant that I was going to get better.  And at some point, I will be on the other side of this.  It was very hopeful for me.  And, second, my fertility doctor always said, “if you throw enough balls at the wall, one of them is going to stick”! Ha! I actually just told that someone else the other day.

LB: What is your goal with your art?
JKB: I took a little break from painting while pregnant, but am about to start again.  I have sold my paintings to oher . . . . . I want to continue to be an open book. Maybe one day I would like to volunteer for Shady Grove Infertility Clinic.  I just want to be real.  I feel like Facebook and Instagram are just a person’s snapshot on a good day.  But, I feel like more and more people are being real and I want to be like that. Our story is not over yet, and I hope that I can be a role model for other women that are dealing with infertility.

Y’all.  How amazing is Jamie?  I am so honored that she allowed me to interview her for this blog post.  I mean, she is basically like family, right?  One of my favorite quotes from Jamie: “Infertility is so common, why aren’t we talking about it? Why do I see commercials for restless leg syndrome and not IVF support groups and medicine?” SO VERY TRUE! I love her honesty! The picture above is of her precious boys on top of one of her paintings.  Isn’t that beautiful?  Beauty from ashes, my friends!  You can follow Jamie on her Instagram page @theglitterenthusiast. Thanks again to Jamie for being so open during this interview! She has such a gift!