Happy Monday, friends.  I hope that you all had a great weekend!  In Friday’s post, I shared that I had gone to my fertility doctor’s office for a meeting to collaborate on some future posts here at Lunchbox Babies.  I know I mentioned it on Friday, but ANXIETY! It was rough.  The anticipation of the emotions the office would bring was much less than the actual reality.  Isn’t that always how it goes?

I had to wait about 15 minutes to be called back into his office, and during that time several women (and some husbands) came in and out.  No one talks in the waiting room of a fertility doctor.  There is too much anxiety, too many prayers being said, too much hope welling up inside.  I spent some time reflecting on my own journey now being on the other side.  I’ve always wanted to be a mother.  Always.  As a young girl, I was going to have four daughters and I had names for them all.  In college, I went down to three kids, but just knew I was going to be a boy mom. I got the boy mom part right! 😊 After watching a very dear friend go through infertility for her first child, I just knew in my heart that something was wrong with me.  I tried to pray it away, but for some reason I had a feeling that it wasn’t going to be easy.  So, after a few months on Clomid with my OB, I made the call and upgraded to my fertility doctor.  My journey was long, emotional, and wicked expensive . . . but, I would do it all over for my Harlan and my Jackson.  In writing this post, I started trying to figure out how many procedures I went through during this time, and this is what I came up with . . . 6 months of Clomid, 3 rounds of shots, SEVERAL failed IUI attempts, SEVERAL successful IUI attempts, 2 IVF procedures (1 I was pregnant with twin girls, 1 didn’t have any viable embryos to implant), pregnant 11 times, 2 DNCs, Delivered 3 babies, have 2 precious boys here with me. WHEW! Seriously. I need a fat glass of wine after recalling all of that crazy info.

So, as I was reflecting on that first walk into his office back in 2006, I realized that (1) I was a BABY, and (2) man, was I clueless! I started to look around the room and realize that all of these women are on a journey that I went on.  All have been clueless, all have been scared.  Several are probably silently begging God for a miracle as we are sitting in the waiting room together.  I wanted to hug everyone and cry with them, but I didn’t want to be that strange person that gets kicked out for making people uncomfortable.  Instead, I just wished that I could write them all a little note.  A note that I wish someone wrote to me back in 2006.  So, here it is.  Here is the letter that I want to offer each and every one going through infertility.  If you are currently suffering from infertility or know someone that is, please read, pass on, and support each other!

“Dear Friend,

First, I want to tell you that I am so sorry.  Ugh . . . I am SO SO very sorry.  If you just received your diagnosis or have known for awhile, I am sorry.  Having such a strong desire to be a mother, and the inability to fulfill that dream, is a heartbreaking combination. You may be confused and hurt, but please know that you are not alone.  15% of couples are going through infertility.  You are not alone.

Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, travel with your husband, pamper yourself.  This journey will be difficult on your body and your mind, so use this time to give yourself a break.  Reid and I choose to travel during the early stages of infertility.  I have given myself shots in hotel rooms in Las Vegas, San Francisco, and London.  Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Make your marriage a priority.  Your husband is suffering as well. He isn’t feeling the physical struggles that you are, but he is suffering along with you.  Let him in, and let him walk this road with you.

Infertility can feel like you are living on an island all alone.  Do not isolate yourself.  Choose your people, and let them in.  It doesn’t have to be a ton of people.  Just pick your people, and let them love on you.  I also highly suggest finding a support group or a counselor. I never did that in the heart of my journey, and I wish that I had. Having recently found a counselor in the past year, I will say that therapy rocks.  There is no shame! Do not walk this journey alone.

My former minister used to say “it is your attitude at the beginning of a task that determines the outcome”.  I love that quote! You get to choose your attitude on this journey.  Do know define yourself with infertility.  This is a moment in your life.  Choose joy, and persevere.

On this path you are walking on, you will start to see babies EVERYWHERE! You will be surrounded!.  I know that this will be difficult, but be able to be happy for those that don’t have to wait all while being sad for yourself.  Don’t let bitterness fill your heart towards others.  This will be difficult.

Wherever you are on your journey, there will be an end to it.  I am sitting on the other side of my journey, and I speak from experience.  Your journey may be short, or it may be long, but I can say that one day it will end, life will have gone on, and you will be on the other side with me.  Probably drinking a bottle of wine and thankful.  Please know that you are strong and you are brave. And, most importantly, infertility does not make you any less of a woman.

So much love and prayers coming your way.
Shawna”