Hi everyone.  My two little dudes had their first day of school yesterday, so I took a little blogging break earlier this week and just hung with them.  Lots of snuggling, bike riding, swimming, super hero movie watching (it has kind of been a Beucler summer obsession), and laziness.  We definitely perfected laziness this summer.  So, now that I have a 2nd grader and a 5th grader getting their learn on, it is now back to work for me.  There are a ton of fun things in the work for my little blog, and I am excited that you are on this ride with me.  Please keep sharing Lunchbox Babies with your friends and family.  This community we are building is pretty awesome.

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Now, I am highly aware that the title of this post and the “grateful” opening image don’t match up in the best way.  A little confusing, yes, but stick with me here.  A sweet friend of mine has been going through a hard and emotional time over the past month.  We were chatting last week about her emotions and healing process, and I used that HORRIBLE line that everyone has used on me at least five hundred and twenty seven times.  “Healing takes time.” Ugh! That is the WORST! We actually laughed about how that saying is the worst . . . but it is true.  When you get on the other side of grief and look back, it is always an amazing sight to see how far you’ve come.

The last week has had me reflecting heavily on this time last year.  We lost Sophie on June 17th of last year, and basically hid out, grieved, and snuggled as a family for the remainder of the summer.  I remember dreading the first day of school for my boys.  Not for them, but for me! I was going to be alone in my house, by myself.  No one to be strong for, no one to throw that smile on for, no one to stop me from falling on the bathroom floor and spending an hour or two just crying.  I was dreading that day.  But, in late August of last year, I put on the big girl panties, slapped a smile on my face, and went to face the masses of people dropping their children off in their classrooms.  I am sure that the entire experience lasted about 15 minutes, but in that time I was asked when I had had the baby (I was thankfully out of maternity clothes by this point), was given several shoulder squeezes by passing friends, and endured a few lingering hugs from some dear people in my life.  Those that knew of our loss meant so well, and those that didn’t figured it out.  My smile game was on point until I got into my car, and sat and cried for a half hour.  I’m not sure I went home to my empty house until after I picked up the boys, and I don’t think I truly stopped crying until I pulled into the carpool line.  It was HORRIBLE!

Now, fast forward to yesterday.  My smile wasn’t plastered on, it was genuine.  I was excited to see our friends, and was looking forward to sending my sweet boys off to a new year in a great school.  And, when I got back in my car? I didn’t cry.  Instead, I went to Starbucks and then to Hiatus Spa (my Dallas fave) to get a massage.  I have to say that I took a moment and gave myself credit for how far I have come in the last year.  Healing takes time.  And, that is the WORST.  When we need time to go fast, it goes SO.VERY.SLOWLY.  But, after weeks, months, and even years, to look back on how far we have healed.  Well, it is pretty awesome. And, I am so GRATEFUL! Now, this is not to say that I don’t have my moments.  I am sure that I always will. But, I am grateful of this little place I have found myself in.

My sweet friend, Celeste, posted the following quote on her Instagram last week, and I loved it immediately! Losing Sophie has changed me forever.  It does not define me, but it has given me a platform to help others that have experienced infertility and loss.  And, for that, I am grateful.  Maybe someday I will look back and understand exactly why my journey was the way it was.  But, that will probably be when Jesus and I are having a little pow wow up at the pearly gates.  For now, I have chosen to let this loss strengthen me.  And, yesterday, I am SO grateful that I was able to truly see how much healing can take place over time.

I know that many of you out there are experiencing heartache.  The loss of a loved one, an illness, a failed infertility treatment, a miscarriage.  Whoever is reading this, I pray for you.  I pray that your heartache strengthens you, and that you allow your healing to take time.  When you get on the other side of that healing, you will be so proud of how far you have come.  In the wise words of a recent Khloe Kardashian post (yes, I follow her on Instagram), “I pray you find happiness.  Not temporary happiness, or “if I pretend and put on a smile and laugh, maybe I’ll be happy” kind of happiness, but long lasting real happiness.  The kind of happiness that makes your face glow and lights up your soul.  You deserve it.”

You totally deserve it.  And, now you get the post title and picture? Healing takes time.  UGH.  THE WORST.  But, I am forever GRATEFUL to see strength that was built through healing. If you have a special prayer request, please message me or email me.  I would love to pray for you during your time of “grateful healing”.  Should we make that a new saying? I think so! XO