Hi friends! The boys and I got back last night from a fun three day getaway to Hyatt Lost Pines outside of Austin, TX.  This is the second year that we have done this just after school gets out, and it has been the perfect kick off to summer.  We travel with our dearest family friends, and it is always so much fun.  The boys are exhausted, so praying they sleep past 7am this morning!!

A conversation that I had on our trip, and I have had with friends from time to time is about perseverance and resiliency.  I have talked about it here as well.  What makes a person want to fight through a hard issue versus just give up? When I got pregnant with Jackson, and it was a healthy and sustainable pregnancy after multiple miscarriages, my infertility doctor said “well Shawna, there is something to say for perseverance!”.  I loved that he said that because I like to think that is me.  I have been through some tough things, and I hope that friends and family would call me a fighter.

But what made me this way? Prior to losing Sophie, friends and I chatted about how do you teach your children how to be strong and resilient without them going through horribly, hard things? I know that we all want to protect our kids and each other, but how to we make them strong?

I haven’t talked about children and grief in my blog.  I have never mentioned Harlan and Jackson’s pain over the last year as I have wanted to protect them.  Let me just say that it has been rough.  Trying to explain to two young boys that the sister that they were already imagining and feeling kick in mommy’s belly is gone is unimaginable.  Last summer was extremely difficult, and the fall, not much better.  I remember telling a dear friend that I wished God had taught them about hard things in other ways than losing their sister.  I mean, couldn’t they have just failed a test at school or something? That can teach resiliency, right?

The tears are few and far between these days, but they insist on including her in our nighttime prayers.  I have tried to say that “God has her up there, and she is protected”, but they insist on praying for her.  While that used to break my heart, now it makes me love them even more.

As we were packing up at the pool yesterday to start to head back to Dallas, Jackson was playing in the beach part of the pool with a new, little friend he had made.  She was trying to understand the dynamic of the group we were traveling with and asking questions about family, etc.  She asked if he had a sister, and he said “well, I did, but she isn’t here anymore.” This sweet little 6-year-old girl was very confused, and asked some more questions.  He turned to find me looking at them, and said “mommy, she wants to know if I have a sister, so I am just telling her about Sophie”. Please cue my heart breaking and my heart swelling at the same time.  Can that even happen? So, he proceeds to tell her that he had a sister and was so excited, but when I was “19 or 20 weeks pregnant, she had died, and she is in Heaven now”. I mean, I think Jackson rocked his new, little friend’s world right there on the beach at Lost Pines.  While it brought big mamma tears to my eyes (very thankful for my giant sunglasses), he said it which such a peace.  It was fact, it was his life, and he was just telling a story.  He mentioned it again to me later about how he talked about Sophie, and I asked if that made him sad.  He said “no”, but I now know that she will always be something talked about.  Even for only a brief moment, she made such an impact on the lives of two little boys.  And, of course, mine too.

I have thought a lot about this since it happened, and am just amazed that I am watching resiliency being formed in my children. The quote below is such a reminder to me that life is going to happen, to ALL of us! It is how we love each other, how we react to one another with grace, and how we choose to move forward in hard times.

In chatting about all of this with a friend, she told me about an amazing resource she had heard about.  I researched it further, and wanted to include it here.  Pam Vredevelt is a professional counselor and author of many books, including Empty Arms and The Empty Arms Journal. She lost a baby half way through her pregnancy (just like me!), and then later lost her 16-year-old son in a car accident.  Pam is leading an amazing LIVE counseling session, in real time, so that you can interact with her in the comfort of your own home.  Loss creates fear, anxiety, and deep heartbreak.  It was hard for me to even ask for help, and make that move to walk into an amazing therapist’s office.  If you are struggling today, please check out link I have included. You are worth it, friend.  Click here to learn more about this amazing opportunity! Space is limited, and sign ups go through Sunday, June 10th!

Have an amazing week.  And, thanks again as always for letting me share.  XO