Happy Monday! Summer is FINALLY here!!!!! School ended for us on Friday with a sweet performance from the kiddos.  My kids don’t usually dress like a cowboy and a child from Colonial times when they go to school.  Just rockin’ those looks for their Fine Arts Day.  We love our sweet school.

I hope that everyone had a great weekend! I spent the weekend doing this . . .

. . . and this . . .

It was 105 degrees in Dallas this weekend, but my boys are doing sports they love.  So, it was FUN! And, HOT! Lots of showers and swimming being done as well.

And, now, I am headed out of town on a fun little road trip to kick off the summer.  Can’t wait to share that with you guys soon.  So very ready to relax and enjoy the summer.

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This post is one of the first that I started working on.  For some reason, I have never finished it and got it posted to the blog.  I am approaching the one year mark of delivering our sweet Sophie, and honestly, I am up and down about it.  When I am down, I start working on this post again.  When I am up, I put it away, not to think about it. Hope is something that we have ALL felt in our lives.  And, anger, well . . . that would be the same.  But, can we feel hope and anger at the same time? My favorite Jane Austen quote: “I am half agony, half hope”.  I have been there.  I am sure that many of you have been there as well.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have had the pleasure of chatting with some new blog readers.  Women that are struggling on the road of infertility, and are angry.  I get it.  These conversations made me sit down and actually finish this post! It doesn’t matter what you have been through, we have all experienced hope, we have all experienced anger.  Let’s just help each other through it.

Being a grown up is hard.  Hope and anger are two very different emotions.  How can you hope so desperately for something to happen, and be so full of anger at the ease of someone else’s experience? Hope and anger don’t sound like they go together.  It sounds like two sides of the happiness spectrum to me.  Have you ever watched an episode of Friends? If you are my age, you have probably seen each and every episode.  I love it.  Still watch reruns if I get the chance.  There is one particular episode when Monica and Chandler have gotten engaged, and Rachel and Phoebe are discussing how they are so happy for them, and not at all jealous.  It then quickly turns into 90% happy and 10% jealous, and then continues downward.  This scene obviously left an impression on me, and I’ve been known to use this phrasing throughout my life in times of needed comic relief.  I vividly remember sitting at dinner with my husband an hour after meeting our best friend’s precious new baby, and just days from experiencing our 4^th miscarriage.  After 5 minutes of silently enjoying a much needed cocktail, I said “You know, I’m 90% happy for them and only 10% jealous”.  This continued on for several minutes until I think we were 10% happy and 90% jealous.  Now, of course, we are 100% happy for them!

Can you be happy for others?

When you are trying to get pregnant or have had a miscarriage, EVERYONE around you is pregnant.  Obviously, everyone isn’t pregnant, but your brain is just highly aware of the cute pregnant chics walking around and those snuggly babies people are holding.  Back in the day, I may have been slightly annoyed when I found out someone was pregnant when I was so desperate.  But, I also had the capacity to be thrilled for them.  Happy for them, but a little sad and angry for myself.  You know like, 10% happy, 90% sad/angry.  I know women that have always been angry when someone else gets pregnant and has a healthy baby.  I never understood this before, but I do now.  After my loss, in my darkest time, I always felt that if you had had a baby, or were going to have a baby, within a 6 month window, don’t talk to me or approach me.  The anger was real.  And, I am not an angry person. It was surprising to me, to my dearest friends, and to my sweet husband.

I feel like only through prayer (and lots of therapy), I was able to put down the anger.  The experience obviously changed me, but I don’t like being an angry, miserable person. I am thankful those around me gave me grace during this time.

I know that many of you are dealing with some pretty strong anger in your hearts this morning.  Or dealing with a blinding hope that is carrying you through.  I know where you have been.  My all time favorite quote for any type of issue . . .

So much love to all of you this morning.  I told Reid over the weekend that there have been a handful of situations just in the past week where I have been blessed by one of you and hearing your stories of hope, of struggles, and of survival.  Thank YOU for allowing me to share mine.  Talk to you soon! XO