Happy Thursday, friends.  I must say that I laughed out loud when I saw the picture above.

You date awhile, and people ask when you are getting married.  You get married, and people start asking when you will have kids.  You start trying to have kids, and then you end up on a table with a turkey baster.  You IUI people know what I mean!

There are the women that get off birth control and get pregnant within a week or two.  Dude . . . I am so jealous of you people. The getting pregnant process appears to be easy for most women.   I’m no longer jealous, but there was a time I threw on the fake smile, reached for a fat glass of wine, and told a friend how happy I was she was pregnant after she had tried 27 days.

In general, research says that 1/3 of the time it is an issue with the woman, 1/3 of the time with the man, and 1/3 of the time it is unexplained.  Which “unexplained” sounds very frustrating. I have had friends in the “unexplained” bucket, and they always felt there had to be a reason even though one could never be found!

As mentioned in a previous post, I am jacked up! Reid is not . . . he would want me to make sure and say that! 😊 😊😊 Shortly after trying to get pregnant WAY back in the early 2006, I was diagnosed with PCOS – Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. The basics with PCOS is that you have irregular periods, and your ovaries fail to regularly release eggs. I originally felt very alone with this diagnosis, but I have met TONS and TONS of women that have this as well.  For me, PCOS was my only diagnosis, and we chose infertility treatments to trigger ovulation to bypass any issues. We got pregnant with Harlan (now 10!) on my second IUI.  He was my first pregnancy, and while I had tried with other drugs and techniques for a year prior, it all seemed so easy.  I had no idea what a miracle my sweet Harlan was . . . and still is! While pregnant with Harlan, I was diagnosed with a Balanced Translocation.  Have you ever heard of that? Yeah . . . I hadn’t either.  It is currently estimated that 1 in 560 people have a balanced translocation.  The vast majority of these people have no idea they have one.  Here is a quick explanation of mine:

• I, like you, have two sets of DNA.  One set is totally normal.  The other set is a bit wonky.  The top of my Chromosome 3 is at the bottom of my Chromosome 9, and the bottom of Chromosome 9 is at the top of my Chromosome 3.  Does that make sense? After lots of research and meeting some amazing minds at Cornell’s Genetic Counseling division, I am 100% healthy.  I am not missing any DNA, it is just a bit wonky.  BUT . . . here is the issue . . . when I am creating a baby, 77% of the time my wonky DNA will unbalance itself, the baby will not have balanced DNA, and will therefore miscarry.  This was the issue for 5 of my 11 pregnancies.  Most of the time this will occur before a heartbeat is seen, but sometimes it can happen after.  So, we knew once Harlan was born, that not only did I have PCOS, but now I had a balanced translocation.  And, only 23% of the time that I actually did get pregnant, the baby would have normal DNA.  Lots to stomach as a young mom wanting to grow her family.  So . . . this should explain the comment in an earlier post.  I am jacked up! Thankfully, my miracle boys are healthy!

If you are just starting this road, I highly suggest seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist.  There are many tests that can be done to decide if you have an issue, and what that issue may be.  When Reid and I first started trying to have a baby, the “rule” was to try for a year and then move to a specialist.  I made the call about six months in that we were just going to move on up the specialist ladder.  Everyone is different, but be your own advocate.  I felt like something was wrong with me, and thankful we pulled that trigger sooner rather than later.  And, I am sure that everyone feels this way, but for ten years, we had THE BEST FERTILITY DOCTOR in town.  He became family to us, and I am so, so thankful! I can never pay him back.  Except with Mambo Taxis (he loves those!)

If have just gotten your diagnosis, or been living with your issue for years, it can be isolating.  Doesn’t it seem like everyone around you is pregnant? Like something is in the water in your city, but you are clearly drinking the wrong stuff? It can be lonely and isolating. I don’t know about you, but I was a hot mess and on my knees in prayer.  The pure, ugly honesty? How am I failing as a woman, spending all of this money??? Why is it so stinking expensive? Hello, insurance? And why isn’t there anyone like me to talk to? I LOVED the nurses at my fertility doctor’s office (What’s Up, Ruth!), but treating an issue and living with it are two very different things.

Just in the last ten years, there have been so many advancements in infertility treatments.  I’m praying for all of you reading this post that are currently walking this road. I am not a counselor, I am not a fertility doctor.  I’m just someone who has been through it, and I am always here should you need to chat.  Please check out the support groups that I have linked below.  I know that there are many more out there.  While I attended an amazing support group after losing Sophie, I am sad to say that I never once attended a support group during my infertility journey. Such a bummer to miss out on sharing my story, my hopes and fears with like minded women.  Check them out!

MEND (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) – Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Support

Glory Babies

Highland Park United Methodist Church – Invisible Sisterhood

Resolve

Sisterhood of Support