I know what you are thinking. If I was you, and I read that title of this blog post, I would name off the following lessons as a part of the list . . .

Infertility Lessons

1. It’s wicked expensive,
2. It’s incredibly depressing,
3. I hate it, and
4. It’s not fair.

Am I close on your list? Be honest, I was pretty close, right?

Let me say that I agree with ALL four of those items. Completely agree!

Let me also say that I am now on the other side of a DECADE long journey of infertility and loss, so there are some lessons that I can see very clearly now that I couldn’t see back then.

As you read this, you may currently be walking knee deep in the struggles of infertility. Or, you may be like me and see those hardships as a reflection. You may have struggled for months, or you may be in the years category with me. However you have struggled, at the end of the day, infertility is a learning experience. Not a pretty one. But, if you allow yourself to look back, you will see how you grew and what you learned.

Here are the lessons that I learned. They were hard fought. But, the fight is worth it, and I would do it all again to have my two miracle boys!

ONE

You need to be able to have a sense of humor. As the great Indigo Girls (I think, I’m not that great at music trivia) once said: “You have to laugh at yourself, or you’d cry your eyes out if you didn’t”. Amen, sister! Infertility is NOT a laughing matter, but you have to keep your personality and sense of humor throughout your journey. I am in no way suggesting that I did not spend many a day crying in the fetal position in my bathroom when yet another cycle failed. But, I also know that I could smile at the craziness of it all. It is such a weird way to survive such a hard journey!

TWO

I will NEVER again ask a woman when she is going to have a baby. That is THE question, right? We’ve all asked it at one time or another. Those fertile Myrtles out there that can make a wish upon a star and get pregnant are very different from those of us that have tried bargaining with God while lying on an exam table during a “turkey baster” procedure. Having experienced that moment several times, I know now that I will NEVER ask someone when they will start a family. I have been on the other side of that question, and just forced a smile as I gave some generic response about enjoying our marriage and taking time for the two of us. Just so you know, pregnancy isn’t always easy and those words can hurt.

THREE

You need to seek support. Do not allow yourself to go through this alone. Infertility is a very, very lonely journey. One that can often be incredibly depressing. I went through most of my journey with only sharing with my husband and my best friend. While I survived, I suggest seeking professional help. Since starting this blog, I have discovered AMAZING support resources that I wish I had known about during my journey. If you don’t want to pay for a therapist, I have found that most large churches have (free) supports groups for women experiencing infertility. And, Facebook also has multiple support groups that cover all ranges of infertility causes. I happen to be a member of three of them in an effort to offer support, and what a gift these groups are to women that are in the thick of their struggle. We are all in this together. Please ask for help!

FOUR

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I will write that again . . . IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Do you know how many times I cried into a bottle of wine that I was a worthless woman incapable of providing children for my husband. Too many times to count. 1 in 8 couples experience infertility. Our issue fell onto me. But, obviously, my being jacked up was NOT my choice. If I could have prayed my issues away, then I would have a house full of children right now. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. As women, we are so hard ourselves to begin with. Throw in a health complication that we are struggling to get past, and forget about it. Blame Game! As hard as it is to get through your head, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. If you have trouble with fully knowing that, head on up to #3 again, read it, and seek support!

FIVE

Infertility will make you do ANYTHING! Max out that credit card for another procedure? On it! Eat peanut butter for ten days straight because the healthy fats will help line your uterus? Sure, I love peanut butter. Become slightly OCD in everything you do in hopes that it will be the bargaining chip you can use with God? Already started that last month, thank you! Infertility will make you desperate, and not in a pretty way. I am going to go ahead and assume that I am not the only one that feels that way. I would say be careful with this one, but when you are desperate for a child there isn’t much I can say to talk you out of that fertility diet where you eat nothing by nightshade vegetables for four days straight. Yikes!

SIX

You are not alone! You will feel as though you are. You will be setting up your umbrella on the deserted island and wondering why you are the only one to have ever experienced this heartache. Hey . . . look over here. I have an umbrella next to you! And, look at all of these other umbrellas!! There are SO, SO, SO many woman that are experiencing this nasty infertility. I knew that intellectually, but after I started this blog, I was overwhelmed by all of your stories. We are all in this together. Share your stories with each other. Walk the road together. You are not alone.

SEVEN

Last, but not least, you will find your strength. Listen . . . I have sat on a cold bathroom floor yelling at God as to why an IUI didn’t work. I have gone through times where I had to flick the light switch off and on three times because I thought that would help. And, I have sat in a carpool line hysterically crying (and scaring other moms around me) because none of my 12 embryos were viable for an IVF transfer. I have been in the DEPTHS of the infertility valleys, my friends. But, let me tell you this – I am over here, on the other side, and I survived. I am stronger. I am more resilient. And, I am proud of myself. Infertility will test you in a way that you never could have imagined. You will do the same things I have done, and maybe some other crazy things. No judgement over here! You will be tested. Your strength will be tested. But, you will come out on the other side. You are strong, sister!

Well, friends, those are the lessons I learned from infertility! There are more, but these are the good ones for today. 😉 As always, if you are struggling with infertility, please reach out to me. I would love to encourage you, help you in any way that I can, and would be blessed to pray for you on this journey of yours. We are all in this together!

And, if you are new to Lunchbox Babies, click here to read my story! XO