Happy Friday, friends! Today, I am talking to the family members of those that are walking a road of infertility. If your family needs to read this, pass it along.

As I have mentioned before, I didn’t share too much during my insane journey of infertility and loss. I mean, I shared at first, but then all of my business was out there and I was about one step away from updating my Facebook status as to my procedures. Too many questions kept coming after too many heartbreaking disappointments, so I stopped sharing. Reid would pass along the updates to any family members that asked, but I rarely spoke about it with anyone but him and my best friend. So, I thankfully am not writing this letter to the my family! Just some of yours! HA! 😉

If you are dealing with infertility, your family may be loving, supportive, and sensitive to all of your struggles. But, this is for those family members that mean well, but are causing more heartache than help. So, for those family members: Read this, and help us out over here!

This post came about when a sweet Lunchbox Babies reader told me about her family situation. She is a part of an Infertility and Miscarriage Support Group that I have the joy of being a member of. Oh, how I wish that I had found this group when I was walking knee-deep through my journey of infertility and loss. These women allow me to hear their stories, to pray for them, and let me even ask them some pretty hard questions about their current situations.

So, earlier this week, she shared that not only was she struggling to walk this road of infertility, but now her family was throwing up their emotions all over her! Her dad is pushing her to adopt as he looks at her with those sad, puppy dog eyes. Her mother keeps telling her how depressed she is that she doesn’t have grandchildren yet. Her uncle is offering up tips on the “right positions”. And, her sister keeps telling her to throw her legs over her head for twenty minutes or else she only has herself to blame.

PEOPLE. What are you doing?!?!?!

Sidenote: I had to laugh a little bit at her story because I literally had a VERY LOVING family member (you know who you are – HA!) tell me the appropriate sexual position in order to sustain a pregnancy. After I threw up in my mouth just a bit, it took a few hours to properly pick my lower jaw up from the floor. I don’t think my doctor using the “turkey baster” was the “position” he was referring to! Love my funny family.

So, here is a letter to the sweet family of my reader that I so desperately hope she passes along. Infertility is not for the faint at heart. And, we all need as much positive and helpful support that we can get. Again, if your family needs this letter, or if you just want to use this as a talking point, go for it! Infertility is a hard and lonely road, so let’s do this together.

And, as always, if you are struggling with infertility and need some extra support, please reach out to me. I would love to pray for you and encourage you in any way possible! XO

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Dear Family,

Thank you so much for all of your concern and love that you are currently giving to us. We understand your desire to expand our family. Trust me, we are there as well! We want to give you grandchildren and we want you to be Aunts and Uncles. Unfortunately, it is just taking a bit longer than we originally hoped for.

As we work to expand our family, there are FIVE things that we need you to know.

ONE – – – We know that you love us, and that you are incredibly well-meaning. While the lack of children may be affecting you, it is a daily heartbreak for us. Behind our smiles, there is a story that you may have a hard time truly understanding. Please know that we are extremely sensitive in this journey, and that you have the ability to either build us up or to destroy us with every comment you make.

TWO – – – We have been diagnosed with infertility. One in eight couples experience this, and it is an actual medical diagnosis. I understand the need to tell us to “just relax”, but unfortunately we need a little more help than stress relief and “thinking about other things”.  

THREE – – – Please refrain from giving us your advice on medical treatments. We have a doctor to do that. And, please no input on sexual positions. Our actual health is suffering from that one! But, in all seriousness, we know that this is coming out of place of love, but it hurts every.single.time. We don’t need you to fix our current situation. We don’t need you make it all better. We just need you to love us and be there for us when we need a shoulder to cry on.

FOUR – – – When we find out that a friend or family member is pregnant, it is hard. After we plaster a smile on our face and force out a chipper “Congratulations”, we may have to leave the room. Please understand. We can be happy for someone else, but still devastatingly sad for ourselves. That it is not our turn. That we aren’t the one making the big announcement. So, we may choose to skip a baby shower or other family plans during this time. We are asking that you just give us grace in those moments. We are trying to be strong, but it is hard.

FIVE – – – Infertility is incredibly expensive, and most insurance companies do not cover our treatments. This means that we are paying thousands of dollars in cash each time we choose to move forward with another treatment. This is an investment that we are choosing to make, and one that we ask you not to judge.

Thank you for loving us, and for being so well meaning in your advice. We just ask that you allow us some grace, and know we are doing as well as we can over here. We love you, and can’t wait to get you those grand babies soon!

Love, Us