A friend of mine was asking me about my blog recently.  I told her that it was “small, yet mighty”.  I continue to be overwhelmed with the amazing men and women that follow along and reach out to me to share their stories.  I am honored to be able to hear them and to be able to pray for you on your journey.  Our stories may be different, but the heartache and hope are the same.

One question that I get a lot is about the fear factor.  How was I able to move forward after a miscarriage?  To get pregnant again when the fear of another miscarriage was looming in the background.  I haven’t wanted to touch on the nasty emotion of fear before, because well, I am not the biggest fan.  Fear is ugly, hard, and often times difficult to deal with. 

After we miscarried the twin girls in September of 2009, I found a devotional (so sorry, but can’t remember the title!) that I poured myself into.  In this book, I found the quote: “The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us.”  Let me just say that this became my mantra throughout the rest of my journey. 

Today, I am giving some practical ways to handle fear after miscarriage. All from my experience.

HOW TO HANDLE FEAR AFTER A MISCARRIAGE

• DO NOT GOOGLE!  I became obsessed with WebMD.  People, WebMD is not your friend.  Especially if you are drowning in fear.  This recent Instagram post is (1) hilarious, (2) a perfect description of me circa 2009 – 2014), and (3) yet another reason why Ryan Reynolds is precious.

• Focus one day at a time.  I was always told that moderate levels of stress and anxiety DO NOT affect pregnancy.  Your baby will be fine!  I love music, and have always tried to find a song that I could put on repeat when I felt my fear rising.  Google “Thy Will” by Hillary Scott.  Whew!  I spent many hours in 2017 listening to this song on repeat.  Warning . . . it tugs at your heart.  Fabulous recommendation from a dear friend. 

• Become BFFs with your OB.  Hey Tracy!  What’s up?  Tracy probably thinks I am a bit crazy, but she gave me her cell phone number, she handed Sophie to me right after I delivered her, she held me as I cried, she would give me a Valium before my DNCs, and I love her.  DO NOT BE AFRAID TO CALL YOUR OB WITH QUESTIONS OR TO SHARE YOUR FEARS!  I used to be one of those people that didn’t want to call her OB with a dumb question.  That all changed, and I am grateful it did.  Your OB can help you!  They can reassure you, they can give you peace, and they can get your booty into the office if they think that there is an issue. 

• Make Healthy Choices.  Take good care of yourself.  Do whatever makes you happy.  Walks outside, prenatal yoga, anything. I was not able to control the outcome of my pregnancies, but I was able to control my choices.  I tried to reduce my stress in ways that I could.  I tried to eat well.  We will, of course, ignore the time that I made a green bean casserole at 10am in the morning and then finished eating the entire thing at 3pm.  True story.  So good.     

• Pick a milestone and CELEBRATE!  In Dallas, one of my favorite restaurants is R=D Kitchen.  So yummy.  They have a hot fudge sundae that is GIANT.  So giant that I never tried it in fear of gaining 10 pounds just by taking one, small, amazing bite.  When I got pregnant with Jackson, I told everyone that when I hit 12 weeks, I was going to R+D and chowing down on the sundae.  My little treat for my body finally carrying another baby to the second trimester!  Let me just say two things: (1) the sundae was AMAZING!!!!  And, (2) I am thankful that I had my brother-in-law with me to finish it off because that thing was GIANT.  And, I think I did gain 10 pounds that day. HA!  But, if you are feeling scared, pick those milestones!  It is scary to be pregnant after a loss, and celebrations in the distance are a fun way to TRY and stay excited!

• PRAY!  Then pray some more!I have so many Bible verses that I have prayed over the years, and I am happy to pass those along if you ever need guidance.  Pray, pray, and pray!  It’s so tough when we want to control the situation, but I was forced to put my pregnancy into God’s hands.  Pray!

• Share Your Story!!!  Reid was always open to share our journey and our experience, and I just wanted to hide away with only he and my best friend knowing the details.  How lonely that was!  I so wish that I had reached out to a therapist, a minister, other women!  I did all three of those after our crushing losses in 2017, and I am better for it.  As women, we tend to try to take care of ourselves, without asking for help.  Ladies, that is so lonely.  Allow others to help you, and in turn you can be an encouragement to others. That’s where I’m at right now. I want to at share my experience with all of you so that you know you are not alone!

My miscarriages changed me. It was a difficult road to navigate, but it gave me a platform to try to help others.  While I wish I had not been challenged in that way, it has made me who I am today.  Harlan was my 1st pregnancy ever, and Jackson was my 7^th pregnancy!!! Can you believe that?  If miscarriages were not a part of my life, I would not have had my precious Jackson.  Such a crazy way to see it, and I am SO very thankful that I have his light and love in my life.  I pray for those of you reading this today.  If you are currently experiencing this fear, I would love to pray for you.  Please feel free to share this post, reach out to me, share your story, and encourage others going through this.

So much love for all of you on this journey. XO