New Year, New Inspiration

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Does everyone feel such HOPE and PROMISE on January 1st? I know I do. Every year since 2010, Reid and I will chat about resolutions and email them to ourselves.  That next year, we will pull up the email, go through our previous resolutions, usually get a good laugh, and then add the current resolutions.  This has been such a fun tradition for us over the years.  Lots of laughter, some success, and tons of failed resolutions have filled that giant email. But, each New Year puts me in such a place of reflection on the past. Healthy or not, that is me.

New Year’s 2018

On December 31, 2017, Reid and I were standing in our living room.  When Ryan Seacrest finished the countdown and the ball dropped to officially welcome in 2018, we had our midnight kiss and both cried big ol’ tears.  Tears for the losses we experienced in 2017 and tears for the hope of finally moving past that loss in 2018.  It was an overwhelming moment, and one that I know I won’t forget.  Such a defining step of seeing that door you have to walk through and close before moving on. 

I found these two pics that I love from 2017. There aren’t many pictures of me from during this time. I was always hiding behind the camera. But, these smiles and these people made 2017 bearable, and for that, I am forever thankful.

August 2017: I delivered Sophie 2 months before this picture was taken. This was a genuinely happy moment with me and my boys. The first time that we had gone a few consistent days without tears, and I felt that one day the grief would be faded in the distance. And, of course, not a bad landscape either!
October 2017: We love the State Fair of Texas. Here I was pregnant with surprise baby #2 of 2017, scared to death that we would lose him, and acting like I had an upset stomach so the boys wouldn’t question why I wasn’t riding the rides. We lost this sweet boy less than a month later. To this day, the boys don’t know about this little boy. A child can only handle so much grief for one year. My boys are in for quite a story one day!

New Year’s 2019

On December 31, 2018, Reid and I were standing in our living room.  As the ball dropped, this time we were with 10 members of our family, lots of champagne toasts, lots of cheering, lots of kisses, and lots of fun.

Nothing can beat wine my a fire pit, fuzzy socks, and a cute hat on New Year’s Eve!

Isn’t it amazing how much things can change in a year?

As I reflected on this past year, I became so excited of things to come. I have been thinking more and more about 2019.  The hope, the promise, the resolution.  I am a known dreamer.  I usually dream BIG, and then have to adjust my expectations.  Unfortunately, the hair model I planned to become in high school only resulted in one job where I had a Styrofoam cup attached to my head, a Bride of Frankenstein look to it, and spent an hour or so letting hair styling professionals touch my hair.  This actually happened.  I am just so sad that I don’t have a picture from this. Ha!

While my “hair model” career is a distant memory and a long gone dream, I feel like a lot of us tend to dream big the first week of January and then roll with laughter at the hopes and dreams once they have crashed and burned come June.

I saw this post on a friend’s Instagram page, and let me say that it shot me straight in the heart.  This was one of those “this is for me” moments.

LOVE this quote. It is saved as a favorite on my phone, and I am trying to look at it often.

I say in 2019, we ALL dream big, make BIG goals, and strive for AMAZING things. I am typing mine here so that you guys can keep me accountable. Of course, now that this is out there, I guess I’m stuck, huh?

  1. Make a video of myself with no make-up on and post on Instagram. Oh wait, I did this earlier this week! Ha! If you are a dear friend of mine, you know that I am one of the most self-conscious people you will ever meet. This was a HUGE step of growth for me. So, might as well make this my first goal. CHECK!
  2. Do something BIG physically with my fitness level. I’m not sure what that is yet, but I am working to figure it out. I know that I am strong, stronger than I think, but I don’t push myself hard enough. If I worked out as much as I said I should, I would be in rockin’ shape! I would love to run a half marathon, but know that my orthopedic surgeon would need to be at the finish line waiting to wheel me into knee surgery if that happened. Working on a challenge for myself. I have some ideas, but would love to hear yours!
  3. Get my Real Estate license AGAIN! I let my license expire in 2011 just after I had Jackson, and I have always wanted to get it again. I think I have a little HGTV obsession flowing through these bones.
  4. Get a book deal going. Y’all this is INSANE that I am typing this, but it is a HUGE dream. I have mentioned this before, but the little Lunchbox Babies blog all started as a book titled “My Babies are in this Lunchbox: And Other Crazy Stories of Infertility”. I had an outline, started writing the book, and it was such a healing point for me. Of course, I then started researching how to get an agent or how to publish a book, and things kind of fell apart. I am clueless. I still, however, feel so called to write this book. It has been in the back of my head for almost a decade, this is the year that it starts to come out. YIKES! I am already scared that I put this out there!
  5. Grow this sweet little Lunchbox Babies community. I have said that this blog is small, but mighty. I have LOVED getting to know your stories over the last several months, and I look forward to hearing from more of you. Lunchbox Babies has been such a gift to me!

2017 was full of grief.
2018 was a year full of lessons. 
So, 2018, thank you for all of the lessons.  And, 2019 . . . I am ready!

I hope y’all are ready as well. Send me the ways that you are going to keep yourself dreaming big this year. I can’t wait to hear from you! Thank YOU for all of the love you gave to me in 2018. SO looking forward to 2019. XO

~ Shawna
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